Congregation Beth El’s Rabbi Orenstein takes a novel path to retirement

by Ron Kaplan
NJJN Staff Writer

After 30 years as spiritual leader of Congregation Beth El in South Orange, Rabbi Jehiel Orenstein decided, “I didn’t want to overstay my welcome. It’s better to leave while they still want you.”

That was five years ago, when he informed Beth El’s leaders it was time to start looking for his replacement. Now that they have found one in Rabbi Francine Roston, Orenstein looks forward to trying his hand at a new career: novelist.

“You can only have one love at a time,” he said in an interview with NJ Jewish News in his South Orange house. He is currently at work on a story about an early 20th century Romanian family as they prepare to immigrate to America. He’s tried his hand at the writing craft before with mixed results, but looks forward to being able to give it all his energies.

The Orenstein home, which had been the property of Beth El and was given to the family as a gift earlier this year, speaks volumes about the rabbi’s varied interests. A baby grand piano occupies a substantial portion of the living room; several elaborate chess sets, including a large hand-carved set from China made of ivory, line the perimeter of his study. Amid these simple pleasures, Orenstein spoke frankly about the successes and disappointments in a career that has spanned more than three decades.

Born in Brooklyn and raised in Queens, Orenstein told NJJN that he had wanted to be a rabbi since he was a seven-year-old accompanying his grandmother to synagogue. Even at that age, he understood and appreciated the power of the position. “When the rabbi says ‘stand up,’ people stand up. When he says ‘sit down,’ they sit down,” he deadpanned.

Orenstein graduated from Columbia College in New York, during which time he also attended the Jewish Theological Seminary. After his graduation from JTS, he served as a chaplain in the Air Force, stationed at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, Texas, from 1961-63. His interest in the celestial is not only spiritual: Orenstein is a pilot, although not licensed; he can only fly in the company of an instructor. He enjoys the freedom of the skies and points to his hobby as further evidence of his “control freak” nature.

Prior to joining Beth El in 1970, Orenstein was a rabbi at two Long Island synagogues. He recalled one of his earliest challenges at the South Orange congregation: dealing with interfaith families. Under his stewardship, Beth El has always welcomed such families, he said. The alternative, he feared, would be “our worst nightmare come true” — future generations of Jews could be lost due to an unwelcoming environment.

Orenstein criticized what he called the “apathy of the majority of Jews. About 10 percent serve [in communal causes]. While it’s important to spend time with the 10 percent, I want to spend time with the 90 percent” who aren’t as involved.

Overall, he noted, “it’s been a very peaceful 35 years.” He estimated he had presided at over 1,000 weddings and a like number of b’nei mitzva, reaching a point where “I’ve married children of children that I’ve married.” The week before his interview with NJJN, Orenstein officiated at the wedding of a couple who had their b’nei mitzva under his tutelage.

He found the “high intellectual level” at services the most enjoyable part of his job. “It keeps me on my toes,” he said. The most difficult responsibilities were not dealing with illness and death, as one might expect — “It’s not a hard part ….You can see the good that you’re doing” — but “chastising people when they’re headed in the wrong direction.”

A different direction

A gala dinner in his honor on May 24 at the Crystal Plaza in Livingston notwithstanding, Orenstein said that one of the highlights of his career was a recent trip to Washington, during which he was guest chaplain for the April 12 session of the Senate. “I’m still not sure how that came about,” he marveled, saying only that one of his parishioners contacted Sen. Jon Corzine, who in turn invited the rabbi to offer the invocation.

The Congressional Record carries statements of praise by both New Jersey senators. Sen. Frank Lautenberg wished Orenstein well in retirement. “[I] know with your active mind and your social conscience you are going to be doing lots of things that continue to benefit the community….”

Corzine offered similar sentiments. “[The rabbi’s] words this morning about love and our responsibility to our communities and attention, which is demonstrated both by his family and the Congregation Beth El, are testimony to a human being who has a heart that reflects that love in his everyday life….I am honored that he was able to open this morning’s session, but I am also honored to have him as a friend.”

Orenstein noted that as Beth El’s newest rabbi emeritus he was “not going away…just going in a different direction. You don’t cease being a rabbi. It’s a lifelong calling.”

He intends to have a “laissez-faire” attitude with Roston, who officially takes over at the South Orange synagogue July 1. He was proud that Beth El has become the largest congregation to accept a female rabbi as its leader, a fact he said was especially important as Jews mark the 350th anniversary of life in America.

Having had the experience of leading his first Beth El High Holy Day services 35 years ago under the watchful eye of his predecessor Rabbi Theodore Friedman, he has come up with a unique way to take some of the pressure off Roston come October. He will simply be at sea, leading 250 worshipers in services aboard the Queen Mary II.

“I wanted her to have clear sailing,” he said of Roston.

Orenstein also paid a touching tribute to his family. His wife, Sylvia, is a public defender for the State of New Jersey; he said he has often told his congregation, “You may not have the best rabbi in America, but you have the best rebbitzin.”

Similarly, “I am extraordinarily grateful to God for my children. They’re the best children in the world.” Debra, who was born at Lackland AFB, is a rabbi in Los Angeles — the seventh generation in her family to serve as a rabbi and one of the first women to receive ordination. Aviva is a professor at the Indiana University School of Law. Rafy is a physiatrist — a doctor who specializes physical medicine and rehabilitation — in Northern California. The Orensteins also have six grandchildren.

Looking back over his life’s work, the rabbi was humble in his self-assessment. “You make mistakes and you grow from them. I learn more from my mistakes than the successes.

“You hope people genuinely forgive you after awhile.”

A well-deserved tribute

More than 450 guests attended the gala in May, which resembled a bar mitzva more than a retirement party.

At the dinner, Roston described the feelings coming to Beth El and filling Orenstein’s shoes.

“It’s an honor and a privilege,” she said. “He has nurtured and led a vibrant and really unique and amazing community and I’m excited … and I’m looking forward to taking my place in the legacy of leadership that he has set.”

The evening was a love fest attended by Orenstein’s “closest friends” who wanted to honor the rabbi who, as Mattye Gandel said in the program’s opening remarks, “showed us the proper way to live our lives.”

Most speakers, including the rabbi’s children, offered reminiscences in song as well as prose, reflecting the guest of honor’s love of music. Orenstein even joined in the music, performing a duet with Beth El’s cantor, Perry Fine, in “The Rabbi and the Cantor Should Be Friends,” a parody of a Rodgers and Hammerstein tune from Oklahoma.

Sylvia Orenstein remarked on the passage of 35 years. “Old age gives you roses in December. Tonight we have a very full bouquet.”

Rabbi Orenstein concluded his thank-you remarks as he said “I’ve learned much from my teachers. I’ve learned much from my colleagues. But as it says in the Talmud, I’ve learned the most from my students, from you.”

Ron Kaplan can be reached at RKaplan@njjewishnews.com.