In Montclair, once-a-month school for interfaith, unaffiliated families

by Johanna Ginsberg
NJJN Staff Writer

When it was time to enroll five-year-old Ian Dillingham in religious school, his mother and father still weren’t sure what to do. She is Jewish; he is not. They had not yet worked out how they want to manage their children’s religious upbringing.

“Some people figure it out and stay on track. Others figure it out and their feelings change. We were in flux,” said Debbie Dillingham, who lives in Montclair.

A year went by and they were no closer to reaching a decision. When Ian was younger, Dillingham had taken her son to toddler holiday workshops at Congregation Shomrei Emunah, a Conservative synagogue in Montclair. When Purim rolled around, she was surprised to hear her son talking about the holiday.

“With so little exposure, he still remembered so much,” she said. “He talked about King Ahasueros and groggers. It became apparent that I needed to keep him in the mix.” But, she said, she wasn’t ready for “a fast-track, bar mitzva-type” program, which she considered the standard fare at most synagogues. She thought, “There are so many unaffiliated families in the area. Let’s take away the rules and strings and give us a chance to be exposed; then we’ll see what happens.”

She had planned to call around to area synagogues to see if any offered a program to suit her needs. But before she had the chance, her grandfather died last September. With family history at Shomrei Emunah, she called the rabbi, Noach Shapiro, to arrange the funeral. During their interaction, she recalled, “I said to him, ‘I’d love to talk to you about an idea for a different kind of religious school experience.’ The conversation started here and never stopped.”

In March, Jewish Enrichment Program was launched at the synagogue, with about a dozen youngsters in two sections: one for five- to seven-year-olds, one for three- to four-year-olds. Once a month, they come to the synagogue for a holiday workshop that involves stories, arts and crafts, and holiday goodies. At the second program in April, students learned about Passover through a Rugrats storybook, decorated afikoman bags, and made haroset, which they ate on matza. Dillingham has one child in each section, as do some of her friends who are participating.

“I wanted something for my family. This just talked to me,” said Carol Beinish, whose husband is Jewish, while she is not. She brings her two children, ages six and four, to the program.

“We started it to meet a need in the community,” said Shapiro. “There are families out there for whom the question of what religious tradition will be followed in the house is still an open question. At the same time, families may be particularly interested in Judaism and in engaging in the process of learning. They want their kids to learn about Judaism in a low-pressure way.”

Right now, the program is breaking even, according to Shapiro. The cost of additional staffing and materials is being met by the fee of $25 per child per session.

Although Shapiro acknowledged that some have raised the concern that the Jewish Enrichment Program might appeal to some member families who would otherwise enroll their children in the synagogue’s traditional religious school, he said he does not share their worries. “It’s a risk, but not a large one. This is not bar or bar mitzva ‘light,’ but a very different program. These families are in a very different situation. They are not committed to affiliation with a synagogue. They are hard-core unaffiliated.”

Participants do not have to be members of Shomrei Emunah or any other synagogue to attend, and Shapiro said he believes the program offers “a message of inclusiveness.”

The synagogue’s religious-school principal, Pnina Steinberg, expressed enthusiasm not only for the program but for the way it came to the synagogue, saying she was “very excited” when she was first approached. “I’ve been in education since 1972, and this is the first time a mother approached me with this kind of idea… Hopefully, through this program, they’ll come closer. My hope is they’ll get some understanding, some knowledge, and will want more for their children… It feels so good that I can perform the mitzva of kiruv, or outreach.”

Meanwhile, the children enrolled in the program were pondering the Israelites’ crossing of the Red Sea: One child asked, “Did the water really part?” and they all grew quiet, considering the implications.
The next workshop will be held May 9. For more information, contact Steinberg at Shomrei Emunah at 973-746-5031.

Johanna Ginsberg can be reached at jginsberg@njjewishnews.com.