In the perennial “competition” between Hanukka and Christmas, Rabbi Laurence Malinger does not believe in fighting “fire with fire.”

He prefers tzedaka vs. commercialization.

Malinger and his wife, Samantha, who reside in Aberdeen, are teaching their three children, ages 11, nine, and four, about the concept of giving during the holiday season. The children choose one night during Hanukka to concentrate on tzedaka; for example, they may perform volunteer work, or research a variety of worthy causes and make a monetary contribution to one they have studied, Malinger explained.

“But we all enjoy the season, with its lights and music, and that’s okay,” he said. “But at the same time, the children have embraced their Jewish identity.”

Malinger, rabbi of Temple Shalom in Aberdeen, discussed these issues and more during a talk on Christmas/Hanukka dilemmas at the Solomon Schechter Academy of Ocean and Monmouth Counties in Howell Township on Dec. 6.

The event was cosponsored by the Jewish Federation of Greater Monmouth County, the Jewish Federation of Ocean County, and the Solomon Schechter Academy.

“This holiday season is an issue among American Jews who are trying to maintain a Jewish identity in a Christian atmosphere,” Malinger told NJ Jewish News.

Children often find the commercial and cultural aspects of the season to be a source of confusion, he added.

It’s okay to acknowledge the different customs and forms of observance, as long as they don’t infringe on one’s own beliefs, he said.

“You have to be faithful to who you are,” said Malinger. “But it takes education and understanding — these are the tools that can empower you to make an informed decision.”

The “December dilemma” is even more acute for interfaith families.

“The situation requires great sensitivity, particularly to the non-Jewish members of a family,” he said. “It’s critical that discussions about this issue are nonjudgmental.”

Finding ways to respect each other’s religious convictions is an integral part of the process, he said. Interfaith families can explore holiday memories and create new traditions that will endure, he added.

There is even a Web site that focuses on such families and the issues surrounding holiday observances, Malinger said.

“On that Web site, there is an opportunity to ask questions and explore ways to maintain respect for religious choices, Malinger said.

When teaching children about the season, it’s important to stress that one holiday isn’t better than the other, Malinger said. The religious significance of each holiday must be explained in a clear fashion so religious identity remains intact.

Malinger knows the Christmas shopping season puts pressure on Jews, but, he said, there is a way of embracing gift-giving within Jewish tradition.

“In the true religious sense, Jews give gifts that could be a source of help to another,” Malinger said. “It’s a form of tzedaka. But gift-giving in general acknowledges friendship, respect, and the notion of caring. But it doesn’t always have to be an obligation or necessity to fulfill a seasonal identity.”

The intense marketing during the Christmas/Hanukka season presents another challenge, the rabbi said.

“The marketing aspect of the season is very strong and is impossible to ignore — it’s American pluralism, designed to erase barriers,” Malinger said. “But Americans celebrate their individualism and identity. American Jews have to remember the differences and be aware of the significance of their culture and heritage.”