After Abraham has seen to the burial of his wife Sarah and has mourned for her, he turns his attention to the future and realizes that it is time for his son to marry and start a family. So he appoints Eliezer, the senior servant of his household, to find a suitable bride for Isaac.

Eliezer travels to Aram-naharayim and comes to the well outside the city. Since his master had not provided specific instructions for selecting a bride, he devises a test for the woman he will choose. He says, "Let the maiden to whom I say, 'Please lower your jar that I may drink,' and who replies, 'Drink, and I will also water your camels' — let her be the one God has appointed for Isaac." And then the Torah tells us that Eliezer had scarcely finished speaking when Rebecca appears, "and the maiden was very beautiful."

Well, what if she hadn't been beautiful? She had met Eliezer's test of kindness and hospitality; what if she had been plain or overweight or afflicted with terrible acne? Would he still have considered her a suitable bride for Isaac?

We all know what the answer "should" be. "Eshet Hayil," the final chapter of the book of Proverbs, which husbands traditionally chant to their wives on Friday nights, concludes, "Grace is deceptive, beauty is illusory; it is for her fear of the Lord that a woman is to be praised. Extol her for the fruit of her hand and let her works praise her in the gates."

Okay, we "should" praise and prize character, goodness, intelligence, and kindness in a potential spouse; we "shouldn't" be swayed by physical appearance. But, of course, we are. Why else would we spend billions on make-up and hair products and cosmetic surgery? Why else would our teenage daughters feel so much pressure to look "hot" that they develop life-threatening eating disorders?

Of course, the rabbis never prohibited the use of cosmetics, perfumes, attractive clothing, and such; they simply called for tzniut, modesty in public. In fact, in private, with one's spouse, every effort should be made to be attractive.

Still, appearance isn't everything. The Book of Samuel tells us that after King Saul disobeyed God's commandment concerning the Amalekites, God rejected Saul's line and sought a new king for Israel. God sent the prophet Samuel to the home of Jesse, for God had decreed that one of his sons would be king. When Samuel saw Eliav, the oldest of Jesse's sons, he thought that he must the future king. But God tells him, "Pay no attention to his appearance or his stature, for I have rejected him. For not as man sees [does the Lord see]; man sees only what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart." It is only when David, the eighth and youngest of Jesse's sons, comes before Samuel that God says, "Rise and anoint him, for this is the one."

God sees the heart, and sometimes, if we try, so can we.

A man once arrived in a Polish shtetl where his cousin lived. He asked one of the townspeople, "Do you know, maybe, a certain Mottel who lives here?"

"There are several Mottels here," was the reply. "What does he look like?"

"Well, he has a crooked nose."

"Hmmm, anything else?"

"He's cock-eyed."

"And?"

"One leg is shorter than the other."

Still, the man couldn't identify the right Mottel.

"One more thing," said his cousin, "he has a huge mole on his cheek."

"Oh — Mottel! Of course I know Mottel. A sheiner Yid, a beautiful Jew, a beautiful person."

And what made Mottel beautiful? Certainly not his nose or his eyes or his legs. Mottel was a sheiner Yid because he learned Torah, performed mitzvot, and was known for his acts of kindness.

The Torah says that the first thing Eliezer noticed about Rebecca was that she was very beautiful, but it says nothing about how she was dressed, the color of her hair and eyes, or the shape of her figure. The Torah simply tells us that she responded to Eliezer's request for water quickly and graciously and then generously offered to water his camels. The Torah calls Rebecca very beautiful — and then describes her behavior, the true source of her beauty.

The late humorist Sam Levinson had five beauty tips for his granddaughter, and for all daughters and sons:

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness,
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people,
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry,
For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day,
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you will never walk alone."