Raising teenagers must be a partnership involving parents and synagogues, said Jewish educator Joanne Doades.

With all of today's negative influences, raising teens to be practicing Jewish adults has never been more difficult, but, Doades insisted, that is where synagogues come into play — as places where Jewish values are imparted and negative influences mitigated.

"The synagogues can foster it because it's too hard to do alone," she said in a Sept. 23 program at Temple Beth El in Somerset.

Doades, author of the book Parenting Jewish Teens: A Guide for the Perplexed, also emphasized the value of continued Jewish education during the talk, which was sponsored by the temple's men's club and was open to the congregation.

Doades, director for curriculum development for the Lifelong Jewish Learning department at the Union for Reform Judaism in New York, cited a recent study in which two thirds of rabbis surveyed said they believed synagogue membership would drop in the next 10 years.

While she wasn't sure she agreed, Doades said it is today's generation of teens who will be the determining factor in making sure that synagogue, "the home of the Jewish people," stays strong.

She urged her audience to view their synagogues much as they would a business.

"The goal of any business is to stay in business," she said. "To make that happen, you need a plan. You can't just leave it to chance."

Parents, she said, can take steps that will have lasting influence and ensure that their children become strong links in Jewish continuity. To that end, she said, they should form parents' groups where they can meet and share experiences good and bad and become involved with their synagogues.

But even with that, teenagers will still be teenagers, with all the rebelliousness that has always been part of adolescence, said Doades.

"The truth is parents have amazingly little control over a teenage child," she said. "Teens are pretty free to do what they want to do, and parents have little to do with it."

Men's club president Howard Pearlson said he found the lecture "thought-provoking." He said Doades was invited to speak because the group wanted to host a program of interest to younger members.

A South Orange resident and congregant at a Conservative synagogue, Doades said that growing up, her own family was so disengaged from the Jewish community she did not even know Saturday was the Jewish Sabbath. That changed when she was in her late 20s and became involved with a synagogue, which opened up the Jewish world to her.

She urged parents to be firm, but not judgmental, recognizing their children's views on Jewish practice may not always be in line with theirs.

She gave an example from her own family. After her oldest daughter became a bat mitzva, Doades asked her to enroll in Hebrew high school. Her daughter protested, noting that no one she knew went to post-bat mitzva religious school.

"Sadly, I knew she was right," said Doades, who realized she had only one more chance to convince her daughter to continue her Jewish education.

"I said, ‘You know our family is really committed to Jewish education,'" said Doades. "I realized there was a chance she might fight me, and if she did, I was done. But she said she'd think about it."

After giving the matter some thought, her daughter decided to continue her education. Following her sister's example, Doades' younger daughter later did the same. They both grew to be young women committed to the Jewish community.

Doades' presentation "has given me great food for thought," said Rabbi Eli Garfinkel, who said he would be sharing some ideas inspired by the talk with board.