July 31, 2008
Does it seem that life has gotten more complicated for you, the members of your family, and/or the community? Do you find yourself often preoccupied or concerned about your children, your parents? If you are like most suburbanites, you have spent recent days noting the increasing costs of putting gas in your car and food on your table. No one is immune from these concerns.
The papers are filled with stories of mega-financial institutions struggling to stay afloat. The impact is being felt everywhere, from the cost of a gallon of milk to the cost of a bagel. Those who previously never seemed to worry about money are now rethinking vacations, expensive dinners, and the many so-called “luxury” items that previously did not feel so luxurious.
It is being called “the perfect storm.” We have all read the stories of the rise in foreclosures. And we all know people whose home equity lines of credit have been frozen. Banks simply can’t wait to be paid, for they, too, are overextended and struggling.
With our nation’s worsening economy comes an increasing demand for assistance and support. This also comes at a time when the government continues to cut back on the traditional “safety net” resources that most social service agencies — and those in need — typically depend upon. Debates focus on the degree to which co-pays for Medicare can be raised and allowances for charity care in hospitals can be reduced.
The impact of the economy is not only being felt by the “likely suspects,” like the single parent or the homebound senior. Suburban MetroWest families are driving less. They are exploring “free” ways to spend their weekend family time with the kids. There is no doubt that today’s families are struggling with increasing stress.
At Jewish Family Service of MetroWest, we are seeing a growing number of middle-class families who are two or three paychecks away from serious financial trouble. Often it takes only one medical emergency, one unexpected high expense to leave families struggling to make the monthly mortgage payment. The consequences of falling behind have not been this extreme in quite some time.
The stressors extend beyond economics. Today’s seniors are living longer, and families are challenged by the responsibilities associated with caring for aging parents and balancing the needs of children. Those children seem to be growing up faster. Resources like cell phones, e-mail, and instant messaging make our lives easier. While these are no doubt convenient resources, they also create little or no separation from work and intrude on “family time.” And while independence is generally viewed as a good thing, the pressures facing single adults to find a mate reminds us that we as a society have really not come a long way, baby!
As a social service agency, Jewish Family Service has been seeing a different kind of family. Long thought of as the community’s safety net for the indigent, JFS has increasingly become a professional resource for all members of the community at all stages of the life cycle. Stress and anxiety are no longer the burdens of the poor alone; increasingly, those with considerable means are turning to the organized community for help and support.
It is a positive thing that such families are turning to the community for assistance, although the community network is not fully “there” in terms of widespread acceptance. I still hear from so many that JFS and other United Jewish Communities-affiliated agencies exist for “others.” This creates a stigma among some seeking help, as if accepting assistance from a “community subsidized” resource is somehow harming those who “really” need help.
Having myself been on the receiving end as well the “asking end” of many calls for help, I’d like to share just a few reactions:
- Asking for help does not indicate a permanent state of hopelessness and does not necessarily result in a commitment to ongoing therapy.
- Help can often come in the form of information for yourself or someone else, guidance on resources outside of the Jewish community, a one-time consultation, or a new perspective that you yourself previously had not considered.
- Calls for help are kept in strictest confidence.
As for preparing for that call:
- Take some notes in advance for yourself, so you will be sure to address all of your concerns.
- Understand that others are also calling and you may play some voice mail tag. Your call is important (and that is not just a slogan). It will be returned, but you may have to help with that process. Consider leaving a cell phone number or a specific time when you know you will be available.
- Remember that your call may be the beginning of a “process” and to accept the help that is offered, you may need to reconsider some of your fervently held ideas. Open your mind so that the “help” has a chance of helping.
If you or a family member is struggling, if stress seems to be the predominant tone in your home, if you are concerned about your parent, your child, your spouse, then consider making a call for help (you can call JFS at 973-765-9050) or attending a UJC-agency sponsored workshop, support group, or community forum. We are blessed to have a wealth of helping resources within our community.
When you do make that call, or attend that program, know that asking for help is not an admission of weakness, but rather part of a focused plan for growth. Consider it an investment in yourself, your family, and your community. Understand that you don’t need to go through struggles alone.
And consider yourself blessed.
Reuben D. Rotman is executive director of Jewish Family Service of MetroWest.
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