The eternal question — why do bad things happen to good people? — may not have a satisfactory answer, but may require a form of acceptance, nevertheless.

Rabbi Yosef Jacobson discussed the issue with an audience of more than 100 at the Ruth Hyman Jewish Community Center in Deal on July 15. The event was hosted by Chabad of the Shore, Long Branch, and was part of the organization's adult education series.

"It's a theme I really don't like to address," said Jacobson, who has lectured on Jewish wisdom and mysticism in Asia, Europe, Australia, and North America. "All other topics, such as politics and current events, are themes; pain, however, is real, raw, authentic, and devastating. It's so emotional that, quite often, the chance to make a connection is lost — there is no meeting of the minds."

But it's possible to learn to live with life's pain, Jacobson said.

"The Talmud says we must be thankful for the negatives in life in the same way as we are thankful for the positive things," he said. "At the core of the Jewish faith lies divine providence, that God is good. Since everything comes from God and God is good, you can almost view the difficult challenges of life that way. But it's emotionally difficult to rationally make sense of everything and say that everything God produces is good."

Maybe the resolution lies in the question, rather than the answer, said Jacobson. It's easy to offer an expert opinion on the pain of another, but when it reaches a personal level, the process of acceptance becomes more difficult, he said.

"When Moses saw the burning bush, he asked why it was not consumed by the fire — but the ground was holy soil," he said. "He observed the future and destiny of the Jewish people; tragedy in the presence of holiness."

When Jacobson's students at the Chabad Yeshiva in Brooklyn ask him why bad things happen to those who deserve better — as they often do — he offers an honest answer.

"I tell them I just don't know," he said quietly. "It's the truest answer and response. You can be there for people and support them, but don't philosophize. No preaching or pontificating. By being there for others, you'll support them so much more than if you tried to explain their pain away."

The job of those in the clergy is often to listen to another's pain, rather than provide all the answers, Jacobson said.

"There are those who ask why their families were lost, or why their parents were taken at a young age, or why they lost a child, and there's no explanation that can do justice to these questions," he said. "Humility is what's called for — not genius, wit, or expertise."

And the things that occur at random present another view of the issue, Jacobson said.

"If we were all here randomly, nature couldn't differentiate between good and bad people," he said. "The question of 'why' is a religious question, and is one that can't be answered in a secular way. It must be dealt with on a cosmic and personal level."

Judaism has reckoned with this question throughout its history, Jacobson said.

"The soul has been here before; it existed before we were born and will exist after we pass on," he said. "We know our Jewish history and perspective, but it doesn't preclude having to deal with agony and death."

Jacobson related the story of a terminally ill boy who learned to appreciate an honest answer to a piercing question.

"When he was age six, he asked his mother why he suffered. At age eight, he asked again — why me?" Jacobson said. "But his mother couldn't relate. At age 11, five weeks before he died, he again asked his mother why he had to endure all this. This time his mother said, 'Son, I really don't know.'

"It was a genuine answer," he continued. "And the boy embraced his mother."

Sharing life experiences with one's peers also adds perspective, said Jacobson.

"You'll find that people of profound faith often deal with some type of pain every day," he said. "Others who have been hurt close their hearts to faith and trust, and they turn away from religious comfort. And still others felt that God was a friend, and then that perception was shattered. They must redefine their relationship with God. But those who have been to a place from which they see a deep and divine perspective can redefine their lives — but their perception is forever altered."

Jewish theory and wisdom can help a man or woman scale the painful peaks, Jacobson said.

"We learned a long time ago that you can't go into a laboratory and prove that God exists," he said. "But life without God is less relevant. A man or woman of faith can find God in the midst of pain by asking why they are in that dark place — 'Why does God want me to be here?' Then they are able to begin to see that the end of something is also the beginning of something else. And they start to climb the ladder of life again."

Information about upcoming events at Chabad of the Shore, including High Holy Day services, is available by calling 732-229-2424.