July 10, 2008
I recently had the bad luck to lose my cell phone. Fortunately, this catastrophic turn of events only lasted about half an hour. And while I was exceedingly unhappy for that half hour, I have to admit it was a really good learning experience. During my Lost Phone Fiasco, two things became crystal clear to me. If you’re going to lose your cell phone:
- Don’t leave it in a bathroom.
- Don’t have a stupid ringtone.
I think the first point is obvious. If your phone is out of your bag in a bathroom, it only means one thing: you were on the phone in the bathroom. Even though we all do it, no one wants to know that you were talking to them on the phone while you were doing your business. Even if you’re just texting. Which I was. I swear.
Then there is the ringtone. I happen to think I have a pretty cool ringtone and most people laugh when they hear it because it is instantly recognizable and seems to fit my personality pretty well.
But we’ll get back to the ringtone later.
The bathroom where I left my cell phone happened to be at my synagogue, where I happened to be for a meeting one Sunday. By the time I realized I didn’t have my cell phone, borrowed someone else’s cell phone to call the synagogue, and found someone at the synagogue to go in the bathroom and look for my phone, it was gone.
“I lost my cell phone,” I cried to my husband when I found him. He wasn’t lost like my cell phone was, incidentally. But we had made plans to meet up somewhere and when he left me a message that the location had changed, I of course did not get the message because I LOST MY CELL PHONE.
“Where did you have it last?” he wondered. It was a reasonable question. I hesitated.
“In the synagogue bathroom.”
“Why were you using it in the bathroom?” he asked. I was busted.
“Because THAT is where I was when you texted me!” I yelled.
“Oh, so it’s my fault?”
“Pretty much.”
He rolled his eyes. I rolled my eyes back. Finally we stopped eye-rolling each other and I told him that I already called the synagogue and the phone wasn’t where I’d left it.
“Honey, I’m sure someone picked it up and is looking for the owner,” he said. “Why don’t you try calling your cell phone and tell whoever answers that it’s yours?”
It was a very smart suggestion. So I called. And it rang. Many times, actually. But no one answered. I tried again five minutes later, but no luck. I finally decided to go back to the synagogue and search around myself.
With diminished expectations, I went to the front desk, and surprisingly, found my phone.
Now this is where the stupid ringtone thing comes into play.
Someone had, in fact, found my phone and somehow it had ended up in the pocket of our rabbi, who promptly forgot about it as he went into the sanctuary to teach a Sunday school class. He was in the middle of this class when my husband suggested I call my cell phone.
As the rabbi spoke, the theme from Mission: Impossible suddenly rang out in the sanctuary.
No one could figure out where the music was coming from so it just kept on playing…and playing…right there…in the synagogue sanctuary…in the rabbi’s pocket.
Anyway, since neither Tom Cruise nor Peter Graves showed up, it was eventually determined that the tune must be someone’s stupid ringtone. The source of the sound was tracked down and handed off to the proper authority, who brought it down to the front desk just as my second phone call came through.
As the theme song played, he handed it over and smiled.
“Mission accomplished.”
Tracy Beckerman writes the syndicated humor column LOST IN SUBURBIA, and has just released her first book, Rebel Without a Minivan.
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