Cantor Gabrielle Clissold, left of podium, and Rabbi Jonathan Roos, right of podium, teach adult students at Monmouth Reform Temple as they prepare to become b’nei mitzva on June 6.
Photo by Jill Huber
Never too late
Thr 11 students in the first adult b’nei mitzva class at Monmouth Reform Temple are Maxine Klatsky of Colts Neck, Marjorie Levy and Lori Saybolt of Shrewsbury, Ellen Goldberg and Barbara Cobuzzi of Tinton Falls, Renee Kasdan Dasaro and Sheila Gilstein of Holmdel, Adria Magnus of Little Silver, Marilyn Siegler of Middletown, Shannon Siegler of Dayton, and Dean Ross of Lincroft.
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June 9, 2009
The first adult b’nei mitzva class in the 50-year history of Monmouth Reform Temple are celebrating nearly 18 months of study. The culminating ceremony was scheduled to take place at the Tinton Falls synagogue on June 6.
The 10 women and one man range in age from their 40s to their 80s.
“This ceremony marks the end of a long process, whereby each of these adults has examined and strengthened their commitment to Judaism,” said Rabbi Jonathan Roos, the temple’s religious leader. “Many of these adults never had a bar or bat mitzva when they were 13. They felt something was missing.”
Roos instructed the group with Cantor Gabrielle Clissold.
“It’s not that they simply lacked Hebrew skills or a deeper understanding of traditions,” said Roos. “There’s a tradition that says every Jewish soul was present at Sinai. This ‘bar mitzva’ process has helped these adults tap into their own otherwise lost memory of standing at Sinai.”
The students began their course of study in January 2008. Roos taught Jewish history and sources, while Clissold taught Hebrew and the prayer book structure.
“I had no idea what I was getting into,” said student Ellen Goldberg, of Tinton Falls. “I know everyone is busy, but I take ‘busy’ to a new level, and I often relied on the encouragement of my fellow students. They were dedicated and caring. We supported each other and helped each other continue on the path.”
Her parents never pushed her to attend religious school, but the idea of a bat mitzva party appealed to the preteen Goldberg. However, her grandfather died during her preparations, so Goldberg — with no resistance from her parents — dropped the entire bat mitzva concept, a decision she now regrets.
“Once I got married to a ‘nice Jewish boy’ named Jay and we had our children, Joshua and Jeremy, I began to realize I had missed out on something very important in my life,” said Goldberg, who is in her 40s. “As I watched them learn more about being Jewish as they prepared for their bar mitzvas, I realized that was missing in my Jewish life. I decided that when they were both finished with their bar mitzvas, I was going to have mine.”
‘Enriching experience’
The concept of “something missing” was a constant among the students, along with the desire to strengthen religious links with their children and grandchildren and preserve Jewish continuity.
“There’s been a big disconnect for Jewish women,” said Clissold. “They couldn’t always automatically learn what the men did, so many Jewish women who didn’t get a thorough education felt a noticeable loss. Now, they’re grabbing hold of what they didn’t get as children, and they want to plug that hole.
“The members of this class ascended, and then they went higher,” said Clissold. “Some knew a little Hebrew and some didn’t know any, but everyone learned to read the Hebrew language in the prayer books and Torah. There was no phonetic spelling. And I learned that Jewish literacy penetrates differently at different ages. It was an enriching experience that will help me become a better teacher.”
“My kids are active in the Jewish community, and I gave that a lot of thought,” said Dean Ross of Lincroft, 58, the only man in the class. “I didn’t become a bar mitzva when I was young, and I don’t think I would have done it now if I hadn’t been able to be part of a b’nei mitzva group. This was just the right place at the right time.”
Marjorie Levy of Shrewsbury found it a little strange to write a bat mitzva speech at this stage of her life.
“I think of the contrast between a teenager reflecting future goals and the thoughts of an octogenarian looking at the past, present, and future,” she said. “I’m celebrating this bat mitzva because of a strong Jewish identity and a nearly 50-year association with this temple. It’s a time when we can assess our inner resources and rearrange our lives in accordance with our changing needs.”
Will she become a “new and different” person?
“Probably not! Judaism is not a miracle religion,” said Levy. “But the need to have goals and aspirations does not cease because of age.”
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