Marc and Lisa Chalom and the triplets as babies, from left, Gabriel, Rene, and Mayer.
Photos courtesy Marc and Lisa Chalom
May 15, 2008
How many boys does it take to celebrate a bar mitzva? Three, in the case of the Chalom family of West Orange.
On May 17, triplets Mayer, Gabriel, and Rene will share the bima as they are called to the Torah as b’nei mitzva at Congregation Shomrei Emunah in Montclair.
The trifecta is a first for the congregation, which faced the challenge of making each boy feel special during his rite of passage.
Rabbi E. Noach Shapiro says it’s something he will have to deal with again and again: another triplet family waits in the wings for its turn on the bima, and his own twin daughters will become b’not mitzva in a year.
Mainly, he said, he works with each child as an individual, and says there’s little in the way of adjustments to be made in the service. He helped Rene sharpen the soaring analogies, commentary, and bridges to his own family in a d’var Torah that reflects on themes of exile, punishment, and the consequences of our own actions.
He helped Gabriel — who, like his father, Marc, loves to digress with a joke — tackle the intricacies of this week’s Torah portion, Behar.
And he pushes Mayer to reach his potential as well, with his complicated d’var Torah that touches on land rights and ownership and draws from a variety of sources.
Shapiro insists that the boys not refer to their brothers’ divrei Torah, and just be themselves.
Which is what they do, waiting in the synagogue library to meet with the rabbi to discuss their talks.
“I know my parts, I feel confident. I don’t freak out,” said the unflappable Rene, who muses on the novelty of the multiple simha. “It’s cool that we’re rare,” he said.
The other two pass their energy back and forth as they joke and whisper, munching on hallah for an after-school snack.
Gabriel looks to his brothers for inspiration, motivation, and support. “I’ll feel better while I’m reading,” he said. “I won’t have butterflies.”
He also looks forward to passing time on the bima with his brothers, and thinks they’ll act as inspiration. “I have to be the best I can so my brothers don’t worry,” he said.
Mayer doesn’t say he is anxious, but asked what he is looking forward to the most, he says simply, “When it’s over.”
When they were babies, each Chalom baby was assigned his own color: green for Gabriel, red for Rene, and blue for Mayer. (Their mother, Lisa, points out it was too difficult to find mauve clothing for boys.) Their belongings bore stickers so each child knew what was his — which toy, which shirt, which bottle.
Together they will read the week’s entire Torah portion, in birth order — blue first, then red, then green. Gabriel, who is very musical but has the least comfort in Hebrew, got the section that is most melodic; Rene, who picks up Hebrew easily, has also taken on the haftara; and Mayer will lead Musaf, the morning’s concluding service.
The Chalom triplets in a recent family photo, from the top, Rene, Gabriel, and Mayer
“I hope I played to their strengths and managed their limitations,” said their father.
But like Gabriel, his seriousness quickly gives way to playfulness. “No one is leading Shaharit [the morning service],” Marc Chalom quips. “We like to come late.”
The boys’ ties will be red, green, and blue, and you can guess the color scheme at the party on Sunday. The boys, who have similar interests, even similar friends, nonetheless had different ideas for the party. “The party was the hardest to plan,” said Lisa Chalom. “It’s hard to make everyone feel happy. We hope we got it right.”
At points, Mayer wanted no party; all three wanted a DJ; and their parents wanted them to perform as a trio — each plays both piano and a second instrument. Asked how they managed to come to an agreement, Marc quipped, “I yelled. First you try to persuade them,” he said. “You tell them in hindsight this is an important day in your life and it’s as much for you as for your [extended] family. And by the way, it’s also for us.”
They settled on a party with jazz, some klezmer music, a small amount of time with a DJ at the end of the party, but decidedly no trio from the boys. “They do so many things together, they didn’t like the idea of being pushed to do something together at the party,” said Marc.
When a visitor asked if they considered separate services and parties, Mayer seemed ready to take the bait, but quickly deferred to his brothers.
“We’re coming of age at the same time,” said Rene. “Why shouldn’t we appreciate it at the same time?”
“I’m 30 seconds older, actually,” said Mayer.
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