New Jersey Jewish News
MetroWest Feature
MetroWest Jewish community says farewell to philanthropist Herb Iris
Through a torrent of tears and occasional moments of
laughter, the MetroWest Jewish community said farewell to one of its leaders, builder and philanthropist Herbert Iris, in a 90-minute funeral service April 9 at Temple Sharey Tefilo-Israel in South Orange.
Iris, a civil engineer and construction company executive, died of a stroke five days earlier at St. Mary’s Hospital in West Palm Beach, Fla. He was 76 years old.
Setting the tone for the memorial interspersed with plaintive cello solos by Judy Goldstone, Rabbi Daniel Cohen told mourners in the nearly filled sanctuary, “Often a source of joy for Herb, we now have the difficult task of saying goodbye while celebrating the legacy he has bequeathed to all of us. There are no words to capture who Herb was, what he accomplished, and how we all feel.”
But three generations of Iris family members joined several of his long-term friends in eloquent testimonials to a man they praised for his love of family, his commitment to his friends and his people, and his boundless desire to heal the world.
Standing behind the bima, Iris’ two daughters, Kerry Iris and Roree Iris-Williams, took turns delivering a tear-filled eulogy.
“Our dad was one in a million,” they said. “All of our years we lived with a miracle man, a superhero, our provider. We were the luckiest kids in the neighborhood. Even before we could remember, Dad was always ahead of his time — first with diapers and formula, then with school lunches so large we needed a suitcase. Dad even enjoyed the morning carpools. If we weren’t ready, he would drive our friends and then come back for us.
“We’ll miss the family rituals,” they continued, reminiscing about basketball games and special Valentine’s Day gifts and summers on Long Beach Island and “rainy morning French toast.”
“We are the luckiest people on the planet. Time was not his enemy or his burden. He lived and breathed every moment with such force that he truly created another time zone dimension — Herbie time.”
Then, haltingly, their youthful words interrupted by sobbing, Iris’ five grandchildren—Robbi, Jared, Jeremy, Bergen, and Raelle — each said goodbye to the man they called “Poppy.”
Gazing at the mahogany coffin before them bearing a triangulated American flag in tribute to Iris’ years of Navy service, the children spoke directly to his spirit.
One thanked him for a New Year’s Eve party, another told of a recent home run he had hit, each of them saluting a man who had made a loving impression on their young lives.
“I am sure your Poppy heard you,” said Cohen. “He was as proud a grandfather as there has ever been.”
Praising Iris as a long-term benefactor of his synagogue, the rabbi said, “No matter how engaged Herb was — and he was one busy man — he always made sure that this temple remained a top priority,” helping to guide the congregation toward the future.
Iris’ older sister, Ruth Waldstein, told the congregation, “I feel as if I had lost a baby because he was the youngest of the family. He was our charge. We helped bring him up. Now it’s turning around. He would help take care of us. But I lost a baby. He will always be my baby.”
His son-in-law Eric Kassoff said that the community “has lost a great champion, and we a loving father. Many times I have asked myself in a situation, ‘What would Herb do?’ This is not to say that Herb was a perfect person. But even his imperfections were perfect.”
“The rest of us operate on a 24-hour day,” observed another son-in-law, Art Kaufman. “Herb managed somehow to squeeze 36 hours into every day — his work, his organizations, a visit to a sick friend, a night with the guys, an ad hoc trip to Atlantic City. He was the master of the catnap. He could somehow drive with one eye and sleep with the other.”
Following them on the bima, Charles Hirsch, Iris’ boyhood friend, reminisced about a relationship that began between two 14-year-old Weequahic High School students in Newark in 1943 and continued for 63 years.
“In high school we named Herbie ‘The Bull’ because of his barrel chest and his strength. It was always good to have him around for protection. If one of us had too much to drink, he would drive us home. He was the one who always made sure we were okay.”
In words read by his wife Judy, Lester Lieberman, Iris’ business partner since they opened a joint savings account as Weequahic students, called his late friend “one of the most generous men I ever knew.” She cited his gifts to his temple, the Daughters of Israel seniors home in West Orange, and United Jewish Communities of MetroWest New Jersey — whose entrance road to its Whippany campus is named the Iris Lieberman Drive.
Speaking on behalf of his absent father, Arthur, Iris’ business partner, Stuart Falkin joked about Iris’ love of gambling, asking rhetorically, “Is it truth or legend that Herbie and his wife, Milly, would go to Friday night services here at the temple, then head down to Atlantic City and play the tables all night?”
Turning serious, Falkin called Iris a devoted family man, saying, “It was his five grandchildren who always lit up his soul.”
Lamenting that he “only knew and loved Herb for about 20 years,” Murray Laulicht, a past president of the MetroWest federation, marveled that “here was a man who was able to devote so much time to his family, a sweet, good, compassionate man. The world has some very good people. But when you are able to combine that goodness with what Herb accomplished, the loss that we feel is combined with the thankfulness we feel for having known him.”
Ending the eulogies, son-in-law Peter Iris-Williams said he will think of Iris’ legacy “first and foremost with love” and work at getting along with people “even if you don’t agree with them.” He urged mourners to remember that “the gift of love, the gift of freedom, has the responsibility to give back.”
The family is asking that contributions in memory of Herb Iris be made to the Iris Family Matters Fund, c/o Temple Sharey Tefilo-Israel, 432 Scotland Rd., South Orange 07079 or The Herb Iris Memorial Fund, c/o The Jewish Community Foundation of MetroWest, 901 Route 10 East, Whippany, NJ 07981.
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Herb Iris remembered
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