Synagogue playing host to caregiver workshops

Giving useful advice for those who tend to the sick and aged

Paul McGhee

Paul McGhee, an expert on laughter, hopes to end the “Caregiving: Real Solutions for Real People” conference on an optimistic note. Photo courtesy Paul McGhee

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Real solutions

by Robert Wiener
NJJN Staff Writer

March 27, 2008

Wendy Lustbader calls it the “dance between guilt and resentment,” a dilemma facing those having to care for a sick or aging parent or spouse.

“Their lives become constricted by the care,” said Lustbader, a mental health counselor and social worker and an assistant professor at the University of Washington. “The caregiver might have had a good relationship with the person who becomes ill. Sometimes the caregivers feel resentful. Sometimes they feel the person needing care is asking for too much. And sometimes there is terrible guilt.

“I talk about the dance between guilt and resentment, where you move back and forth between those emotions.

“It is a great relief for people to find out what they are going through is universal,” added Lustbader, coauthor of Taking Care of Aging Family Members: A Practical Guide and author of Counting on Kindness: The Dilemmas of Dependency.

Lustbader will be the keynote speaker at “Caregiving: Real Solutions for Real People,” an afternoon conference on Sunday, April 6, at Temple B’nai Abraham in Livingston. It is cosponsored by the Healthcare Foundation of New Jersey and the National Council of Jewish Women’s Essex County Section.

The event will also feature Paul McGhee, a developmental psychologist who spent 22 years in the academic study of laughter and its application as a healing art.

Wendy Lustbader

Wendy Lustbader said she will talk about caregivers’ “dance between guilt and resentment.”

“I’ll ask the audience, ‘How many of you have had a good belly laugh in the last 24 hours?’ We’ll wind up doing 30 seconds of belly laughter. We feed off each other,” he said. “Then I’ll ask them what they noticed, and the most common thing people say is they feel better and more relaxed and more alert.”

McGhee, who is president of The Laughter Remedy, which provides information on how humor contributes to health, stress reduction, and effective job performance, said half of his speaking engagements are in corporate workplaces, the rest at healthcare conferences.

“People know they are dealing with these heavy serious issues. There are a lot of negative emotions that come up when you’re taking care of a loved one. Some people are depressed because day after day, it takes its toll on them, but we want to send them home on a positive, helpful, upbeat, optimistic note.”

That’s where his humor therapy comes in.

“That is my role,” said McGhee, who is also the author of 11 books on humor. “The bottom line is, if you want to provide quality care for your loved one day after day, you’ve got to have some resilience.”

Between the two speakers, attendees will be offered workshops on specific aspects of caregiving such as legal and financial considerations, medical concerns, living arrangements, peer support, and communicating with loved ones.

“CAREGIVING: Real Solutions for Real People” will take place at Temple B’nai Abraham in Livingston from 12:30 to 5 p.m. The symposium is open to the public and free of charge, and free adult daycare will be provided. It is cosponsored by the Healthcare Foundation of New Jersey and the National Council of Jewish Women’s Essex County Section. To register, call NCJW at 973-740-0588.