New Jersey Jewish News
Real Life Advice Column

Randy Nathan MSW, is a certified empowerment coach who works exclusively with high school and college-age students. Through the coaching process, he empowers and motivates young people to face the major challenges, transitions, and opportunities in their lives.

Dear Coach Randy,
I am part of a group of high school students who agree to abstain from drinking, smoking, drugs, and sex. Some of my friends in this group have started drinking at parties. This violates our pact, and I do not feel they should be a part of this program anymore. How can I get my friends to honor the agreement without losing them?
Feeling Torn

Dear Feeling Torn,
First, I truly admire your integrity and desire to honor this pact. You clearly understand the value of this program and have integrated it into your life. You should be very proud of yourself. It’s unfortunate that your friends have made the decision to violate the agreement.

How realistic is it for you to control your friends’ choices at this time? The only thing you can control is your own behavior. So where does that leave you? What if your friends no longer want to be a part of this group? How will that affect your friendship with them? What is the foundation of the friendship? How likely is it for you to remain friends if they decide to drop out of the program?

You have demonstrated moral character by realizing the hypocrisy in this situation. How reasonable is it for you to accept their decision while maintaining your value system? Be true to yourself and the best solution for you will become clear.

Dear Coach Randy,
I’m a college senior and expect to graduate this May. Most of my friends are busy getting job interviews and negotiating salaries. Frankly I don’t even know what I want to be when I “grow up.” What should I do?
Helpless

Dear Helpless,
Congratulations on your upcoming graduation. I’m sure you have worked hard these past few years. What a wonderful opportunity you are facing in life. As a graduating senior, the opportunities are endless. Endings as well as beginnings are often challenging. Not only is a major part of your life ending, another chapter is beginning. It’s no wonder you’re feeling “helpless.” Any direction you choose will have an impact on your future.

When you reflect on your college experience, what do you conclude was the purpose of going to school? When you were an entering freshman, where did you think you would be upon graduation? Where are you now and how does that compare to where you thought you would be? What has changed?

It may sound funny, but you may want to think about where you see yourself three years from now and what steps you will need to take to get you there. Keep in mind all the factors that affect who you are (friends, family, personal development, social relationships, finances, etc.). Once you have identified your goal, create an action plan that lists three to five steps you need to take within the first six months. The more specific you can be the more attainable the steps become. Regardless of which path you choose, it will be the right one for you.

Have a question for Coach Randy? High school and college-age people are welcome to contact him.

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