by Jill Huber
NJJN Bureau Chief/Monmouth

February 19, 2008

Eight years ago, three high-profile adolescent suicides in Morris County led to the development of a Traumatic Loss Coalition for Children serving each of New Jersey’s 21 counties.

In Monmouth County, there have been two confirmed adolescent suicides over the past 10 years, but there have been a few incidents that required the coalition’s help.

“Those numbers are actually good news,” said Elliot Katz of Holmdel, coordinator of the TLCC in Monmouth County. “Adolescent suicides in Monmouth County are not increasing. And the overall numbers of adolescent suicides are small.”

But Katz, who discussed the issue with congregants of Temple Shalom in Aberdeen on Feb. 10, said families and schools should not be complacent.

The coalition’s educational material includes a list of warning signs: adolescents who become profoundly depressed, stop functioning in an ordinary way, radically change their eating patterns, are unable to sleep, or make comments such as “I wish I were dead — I can’t take it anymore.”

“These dramatic changes in normal activities are clear warning signs,” said Katz, a member of Temple Shalom. “When an adolescent starts to withdraw from what he or she usually does, there is serious meaning in that. They are experiencing a loss of a sense of pleasure in life — life no longer seems to have meaning. If their parents and school guidance staff are more aware of these signs, they can reach out to these kids.

“This potent intervention conveys that someone knows and cares about them, and it could prevent an act of suicide.”

The coalition, which has an office in Freehold, consists of 30 volunteers (Katz is the only salaried employee) from the fields of education, social service, and law enforcement. There also are volunteers who are clergypersons and hospital personnel, said Katz, who has been the coalition’s coordinator for the past four years.

Last year, the state passed a bill that mandated schools to include in-service education in suicide prevention. Although the coalition already had been visiting schools and community organizations, Katz welcomed the state mandate.

“This may increase awareness in a helpful way,” Katz said. “In the past 12 months, the coalition has received many more requests from school officials who want to utilize our resources. Hopefully, education will prevent a problem that is immeasurable.”

School officials also should cultivate a close relationship with the student population, so that teens who are concerned about a peer will be able to express their fears to someone in authority, he said.

“If a teen does poorly on his exams and thinks his academic dreams have gone up in smoke, he may become profoundly depressed,” said Katz. “Another example is the kid who has been bullied by classmates. Is that kid thinking about revenge?

“Peers, professionals, and parents need to be aware of these issues and they can’t minimize the situation by saying the kids will simply get over their problems in time. Sometimes, these things don’t simply go away by themselves. Intervention is needed.”

But like any niche product, the minyanim offer a model that deserves to be adapted at least in part by the "bigs." The study identifies "two key motivations" among their participants. The first is their search for "warm communities in which they are deeply involved and socially connected, and in which they can see their friends of their own age." Those communities extend beyond the prayer services to Shabbat meals, for instance.

Second, their participants seek "meaningful worship experiences," whose hallmarks are appealing music and smart, relevant divrei Torah, or sermons.

Synagogues can't pretend to be what they are not to attract those who are turned off by what they are. But many are making room, within their "main" services or in alternative services, to accommodate the kinds of people who might otherwise join, or launch, an independent minyan.

STAR has been part of that process, promoting its "Synaplex" model for engaging congregants in a variety of settings and activities.

Rabbi Hayyim Herring , STAR's executive director, thinks the synagogue and the minyan can be friends. "I believe that they could benefit from each other," he wrote in response to the Synagogue 3000 report, "for mainstream synagogues have infrastructure that these emergent communities often lack and, conversely, these emergent communities, just by their presence, could supply some energy to mainstream congregations."

I called Rabbi Herring last week and asked if, after five years at STAR, he is optimistic about the renewal of American synagogues.

"I started as a skeptic and I would say that my skepticism has really diminished and my optimism has increased," said Herring. "The evidence is still out, and I wouldn't want to make a prediction. But if more people will invest money and ideas and these kinds of resources into synagogues, we at least maximize the odds, which I think is critical."

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