by Johanna Ginsberg
NJJN Staff Writer

February 14, 2008

For caregivers of frail elders, the physical and emotional burden of their responsibilities is often matched by a spiritual loss — community ties may be severed during a loved one’s illness; belief systems may be called into question.

“One week leads to the next and it’s Friday afternoon again. Another week has gone by and it’s Shabbos again,” said Rabbi Gary Lavit, director of pastoral care at the Hebrew Home and Hospital/Hebrew Health Care in West Hartford, Conn. “People begin feeling like an ‘it’ instead of a ‘thou.’”

This loss of self-identity, he said, “leads to an emptiness, a worthlessness, a sense of nobody-ness.”

Reclaiming a spiritual life for caregivers was the theme of a conference sponsored by MetroWest CARES and the Joint Chaplaincy Committee of MetroWest, held Feb. 11 in Whippany.

Forty local professionals — rabbis, social workers, chaplains, and therapists — listened as Lavit and other speakers offered an analysis of Jewish values for caregiving and a “spiritual toolkit” of practical ideas for issues faced by caregivers.

The conference was facilitated by Hiddur: the Center for Aging and Judaism, a program of the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College in Wyncote, Pa.

The “spiritual toolkit” included 10 ways to interact with caregivers to return their sense of self. The ideas ranged from listening to people’s stories, helping the caregiver reflect on the life of their loved one, and helping people reconnect with the community through creative rituals and prayers.

“A lot of the rituals of old age are associated with negative events: losing your home, losing someone who’s dear to you,” said Carol P. Hausman, clinical psychologist, gerontologist, and founding director of the Washington Jewish Healing Network. “But somehow ritualizing them gives us an opportunity to also look for positives of those events — to remember and mark what was wonderful about the home, or what was wonderful about the person who died.”

Hausman recalled a patient who had moved her mother to a nursing home and couldn’t bear the idea of sorting through her mother’s things and packing up her apartment. Hausman facilitated the creation of a ritual: the patient, together with members of her family, lit a candle and recited a prayer she wrote thanking God for the good years her mother had spent in the apartment. Each family member shared a memory, wrapped the keys in a special box, and asked God to bless her mother; and they expressed the hope that the next occupants would also share good memories there.

Lavit also urged the audience to consider the benefits of spontaneous prayer — rather than formal liturgy — for those open to it. Such prayer would hark back to the model of Hannah, who poured out her prayers in the Book of Samuel.

Such prayer is about “speaking truth to God,” Lavit said. “It’s about this moment and who they are.”

Also presenting were Sheila F. Segal, director of chaplaincy services at the Madlyn and Leonard Abramson Center for Jewish Life in North Wales, Pa., and Hiddur director Rabbi Dayle Friedman.

MetroWest CARES is a consortium of United Jewish Communities of MetroWest beneficiary agencies which provides a variety of services to the elderly under the guidance of Karen Alexander, director of eldercare services for UJC MetroWest. The Joint Chaplaincy Committee is also an agency of UJC MetroWest.

---

Resource

Families and caregivers can get answers to eldercare questions and help with community resources from Elderlink, a portal to all MetroWest services for older adults and their families. Elderlink can be reached by telephone at 973-467-3300, ext. 511.

• Comment: comments@njjewishnews.com