One fish, two fish, red fish, Pew fish: the year in rhyme
December 26, 2013
It’s time to remember two thousand thirteen
And recap in rhyme all that went on in between
The president picking his aide Jacob Lew
And the mixed diagnosis from the good folks at Pew,
From the deaths of Ed Koch, forever Hizzoner
To Edgar M. Bronfman, the consummate donor.
The biggest story of the year
Involved a poll that made us fear
That religion is no longer key
To a Jewish identity,
And while Jews are proud of being Jews,
You won’t find them in the pews.
Less God, more lox; less shul, more jokes,
It’s pick and choose for the Chosen folks.
Iran appeared to turn a page,
Offering up more charm than rage,
And agreeing to a six-month freeze
On nuclear activities.
Well, not all, they’re still allowed some
Enrichment of uranium.
The West is hoping that the im-
ams aren’t crazy as they seem.
Bibi was reelected with a team
Out of a political fever dream.
On the right was Bennett, a balding hawk,
On the left Lapid, with a gift for talk.
Could Netanyahu lead Zion’s revival
With this ungainly team of rivals?
The answer it turned out was, no.
A captain must say where to go.
Obama found the Jewish state
To his liking — in fact great.
In talks before Israeli youth
He shared an inconvenient truth.
‘Peace is made by folks like you.
But I’ll lend you Kerry — and when he is through,
Perhaps we will have cured this mess
(Believe me — I could use the rest).”
Obamacare turned out to be more
Complex than most had bargained for.
With promises broken and websites a-breakin’,
Am I covered for having my confidence shaken?
Is there a cure for bad execution?
Even its fans were plagued by confusion.
A clash of wills at the Western Wall
Would dominate headlines for much of the fall.
Women opened the box of Pandora
Merely by seeking the right to read Torah.
Imagine the horror if another land’s naysayers
Were hounding the Jews for saying their prayers?
The year brought Jews a level of scandal
That often seemed more than we could handle.
William Rapfogel seemed to rob from the poor
To make himself rich, while Bob Filner swore
That the pinches and kisses that made women cry
Were friendly advances from a mere hands-on guy.
But don’t let the bad eggs spoil our cheer
As we enter another Gregorian New Year.
So lift your glass of kosher Champagne
And hope we don’t see a year like this again.
Andrew Silow-Carroll is Editor-in-Chief of the New Jersey Jewish News. Between columns you can read his writing at the JustASC blog.